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2006 Sertoma Installation
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CLICK HERE for SOWS going back about 4 years
CLICK HERE to see 2008 Installation pics
2009 Ski Trip


Published regularly by Sertoma Club of Fort Collins. All rights reserved.  .  If you would like to be removed from distribution, or would like to keep your  email current; send updates to Editor.  Copyright 2008, Fort Collins Sertoma Club

Lee Cooper


Contact Lee Cooper with your program!  



5/22 Lee Cord            Heather Hallett Thurston from the Food Bank
5/29 Norm Rehme      Phil Ebersole from The Edge Sports Center (www.edgesportscenter.com)
6/5 Gary Cassell        David May, President and CEO  Fort Collins Chamber of Commerce
6/12  NO MEETING   (Golf tournament)
6/19 Don Simecka     Professional Athletic Trainer

     Brags and Notices
                             January 9, 2004, our Foundation total is
                          December 31, 2004 ~ $24, 089.63
December 31, 2005 ~ $35,308.09
                         December 31, 2006 ~ $47,696.52
                        June 29, 2007 ~ $50, 911.02

                        July, 2008 ~ $53,134
January, 2009 ~ $40,654

Quick Links

Denver Restaurants
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(stock quotes)

 Free E-cards
Finding People

Infospace WhoWhere


The SOW (Sertoman of the Week)


(unbeknownst to our SOW, these clues were furnished by his wife)

1.   . . . . started out his business career selling condoms.  Did well until his partner spilled the "inventory" all over the floor of the high school hallway.
2.   . . . Played the tuba in High School.  He ws so skinny, it looked like the tuba had a pair of legs!
3.  . . . was the janitor at a post office when he was young.
4.  . . . . made the mistake of teaching his wife how to shoot.  "Guns" are now part of the pre-nup. :)
5. . . . Left his town of 2,000 people to move to the BIG city of 8,000 to attend school.  The he really made the leap to the booming metropolis of 23,000 people.
6.  . . . is a philatelist.  (sounds kinda' dirty, doesn't it??)
7.  . . . When he played football, he looked like a monster professional player.  That is, until he turned sideways and disappeared!
8.  . . . If it isn't at least an hour, he's not late.
9. . .. . (added by me)  Probably the best darn Sgt. at Arms we've ever had!

So, did YOU guess?  It was funny . . . . Stoner DID guess, but was told he was wrong!  Scroll down to see our new SOW!








 Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

   Esplanade , v.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.

   Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

  Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

  Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

   Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

  Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

  Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

   Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


We have a Sertoma project for one of our own coming up on Saturday, June 6th!  Brad Burns has requested help in spreading 20 million pounds of gorilla bark, or some such stuff, on his yard.  He wants to fool anyone looking into thinking it's a good yard, apparently. 
Anyway, his home is at 1820 Westover.  To get there, go NORTH on Timberline until it dead ends.  Turn left to CO RD 11.  Go RIGHT on CO Rd 11 (you'll be going North).  Take a left on Chesapeake to Westover.  Turn right on Westover to 1820.  Call him at 481-6220.  Brats and burgers will be served afterwards, as well as other assorted goodies, I'm sure!

CLICK HERE for a Mapquest map

Josh Benedict bragged that the Heritage Eagles are now 1-0!

Carl Glaser had a brag for Project Smile . . . . there was a Project Smile breakfast on a Wednesday morning a while back.  He told us that there were several other Sertomans, and he estimated a total of 350 people attended.

Ken Borrett had a brag for Fort Collins . . . Forbes picked Lincoln, Nebraska as the 5th best place to live.  (Fort Collins was 2nd, and Charlotte, NC, was 1st)

Master Photographer, Norm Rehme took over two dozen pictures on Saturday.
CLICK HERE to see the fun YOU missed including donuts and coffee!!

Don Shannon had a brag for the latest project Mr. Green had for us . . . there were 21 Sertomans at the Coachlight Apartments, a Neighbor-to-neighbor collaboration, cutting and trimming, and generally cleaning up.  By the way, everyone who worked the project, apparently, received a personal,
hand-written card from the people involved!

Our Own Bill Brown, with wife Ruth

Don Simecka bragged on Bill Brown's recent debut in Style Magazine!  CLICK HERE to see the article.


Dan Kaup had a brag for Carl Glaser, who filled in for him in the previous week.

Shawn Dunnigan had an "unbrag" . . . . he says that, through his Relay for Life thoughts, he's created a "philanthropic organization" called the Two Mile Club, which is also what he is calling his relay team.
Check out the website at

Dan told us that the Boys and Girls Club Breakfast a while back went off without a hitch.  Thanks were given to Ken for getting out banner out there, and Zach for his service on the Board of B&GC.

Sign spotted recently at local coffee shop

Mike Tarantino said that if you'd like to help out with the Golf Tournament this year,
contact him.  He can use all the help they can get.
Mike also tells us that Crossroads Safehouse, who we are partnering with for our golf tournament, is
apparently doing a good job of promoting and helping is with getting the word out.
CLICK HERE for entry application


Ron Young had a check for $43for the Foundation in memory of his daughter, who would
have been 43.  November marks the third year that she was lost to domestic violence. 
He reminded us that our support is sorely needed.   Crossroads Safehouse,
provides services
and safe housing to adults and children affected by intimate partner abuse.

Norm Rehme had a brag for the Loveland Historical Home Tour.  Seems his home is in it, as well!

Gary Ross had a brag and a bitch about being overcharged for a sponsor hole at last year's golf tournament.

Roger Sample bragged that, thanks to Jim Manning, he recently had the privilege of attending The Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta this year.  For those of you who don't know, SO MANY people want to attend the Masters that there is a drawing to see who will receive tickets.  Jim WON.  WOW!!!

Roger had a second brag, as well.  After tax season, he HAD to go to Maui.  (are WE in the wrong business???).  They and another couple go "to play" for eight days.  The story, however, is that he was paired up with an LA hockey player who plays for the Kings.  With this guy is a 14 year old kid who is the son of his fiancée.  Do you know who RACHEL HUNTER is??  At least one of us didn't. 
Look below:

CLICK HERE to see more pictures of Rachel
Hunter, actress, model, mother, designer, and ambassador to the Born Free Foundation, an
organization that helps to prevent animal suffering,
protect threatened species, and keep wildlife in the wild.



Friday, June 12th has been set for the Sertoma Annual golf tournament.  Mark on your calendars!

John K reminded us to vote.  (yeah, I'm a little behind!)

Cheryl Parrish,

Cheryl Parrish, LCSW, the Vice President of Programs for the Alzheimer’s Association Colorado Chapter,  had a rather sobering conversation  with us a few weeks ago about Alzheimer's Disease.  Did you know that OVER 65,000 (in 2007) Coloradoans are living with Alzheimers disease??!!?? 
Or that it is turning out to be the "Health Care Epidemic
of the 21st Century!
CLICK HERE for 10 warning signs, as well as more information.

Don Simecka told us he recently attended Abby's Signature Concert Series, who gave us TOP BILLING!

A Moment Frozen in Time for a baker's dozen volunteers on Saturday (click on it!)

I recently bragged on, and thanked, Dick Ziporlin for his efforts on the monthly Beer Bash at
Pappy's.  It has been discontinued, through no lack of effort by Dick.  There are thoughts of
trying again at a future date.

Ken Reiter reported (and bragged) that the construction trades program at Fossil Ridge and Front Range recently received $2,200 from US to purchase tools for their graduating trades students.  Ken
mentioned that this year there were also four women in the program!

Bob Sutter won the pot, who was not in attendance.

The POT was won by Ken Borrett, who left early.

Brad Burns recently won the pot two weeks in a row . . . and HE was there!!!

Our Social Chairman, Dick Ziporlin, is trying to put together another spaghetti dinner at the Elks before it becomes defunct.  Their liquor license ended on March 31, Mr. Blomberg tells us, but Dick thinks we can "work around it".  yeah, right.  Chili and bingo was suggested.  More as it happens.

Ron Young bragged that he already has two foursomes put together for our tournament on June 12!

The 8th Annual Realities Ride & Rally is back this year, this time for TWO days, May 23rd & 24th, Sat & Sun.   John K tells us that last year we made over $2,100 in just ONE day!  I hear the Hooter Girls might be around again, and on Saturday there is a lot of entertainment as well as many more vendors.  WE will be selling beverages
on both days to help fund Realities Emergency Fund. 
If you can help with this, especially in the evening, contact John K: 

Ronny Bush told us a story about a recent "happening" in his office that is "memoir-bound".  Remember Dan Ricker?  Well, seems he dropped by Ronny's office last Wednesday and said he was looking for Ronny's son (who is a pastor) to marry him.  Ronny, being the on the ball guy that he is, said "You don't need my son . . . I can do it".  And he did!  Turns out that (1) if you're 18 and (2) You have obtained a marriage license, you can even marry yourself!  

 Solemnizing a Marriage:
Couples themselves may solemnize their own marriage (perform one's own marriage ceremony). According to Colorado Revised Statute 14-2-109, a marriage may be solemnized by a judge of a court; by a court magistrate; by a retired judge of the court; by a public official whose powers include solemnization of marriages; by Indian tribe officials; by clergy; by the parties to the marriage. If you wish to solemnize your own marriage, you will be responsible for acquiring, completing and returning the license to marry to the appropriate
county Office of the Clerk and Recorder.
Ronny did the marriage in his office with three "lay" witnesses.  Congratulations, Dan!!

OUR PRESIDENT is rumored to have been the WINNER of a golf tournament. 
This rumor may (or may not) be confirmed this Friday.

Some of you may (or may not) have noticed that the newsletters are getting few and far between.  I have been actively trying to search out either a a new location for my shop, or a new business to buy, and it gets harder and harder to find a few hours to just sit down and do the newsletter, so bear with me. 

Tim Miller (R), hands off the SOW trophy to our new SOW, Brad Burns



Derek Woods,
speaker on May 8th

John K tells us the Realities for Children Ride is coming up on May 23 - 24th.  Once again we will be selling water and beer downtown on the square.  CLICK HERE for some recent quotes provided by Craig Secher
in regard to Realities for Children's Emergency Fund, which is what this money is being raise for.


2nd Chance Gem Award
Time is running out – don’t miss this opportunity to earn the 2nd Chance GEM (Good Enthusiastic Member) Award. All award requirements must be completed by June 30, 2009. Download the 
award form for more details.

 Two Magazines
Just a reminder that if you are receiving two magazines, and only need one you can opt out of receiving one issue. Please notify Amy Ellington at aellington@sertomahq.org in writing the member that should be removed from the listing.

  Candidate Responses
Be an informed voter! The candidate responses to the first electoral question have been posted on the Sertoma Blog. You can read and post comments to these responses.


Tom Kula (L), hands off the Trophy to new SOW, Tim Miller





2 damn good reasons to play golf!



 Moose have sex

Two guys are drinking in a bar.
 One says: "Did you know that Moose have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

               "Aw shit...," says his friend, "and I just joined Sertoma!"




The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master

A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. People count on you to come through. That's why you need these, to start.

A Man Should Be Able To:

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I once stood in a wine store in West Hollywood where the owner described a pinot noir he favored as "a night walk through a wet garden." I bought it. I went to my hotel and drank it by myself, looking at the flickering city with my feet on the windowsill. I don't know which was more right, the wine or the vision that he placed in my head. Point is, it was right.

33. Hit a jump shot in pool. It's not something you use a lot, but when you hit a jump shot, it marks you as a player and briefly impresses women. Make the angle of your cue steeper, aim for the bottommost fraction of the ball, and drive the cue smoothly six inches past the contact point, making steady, downward contact with the felt.

34. Dress a wound. First, stop the bleeding. Apply pressure using a gauze pad. Stay with the pressure. If you can't stop the bleeding, forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Once the bleeding stops, clean the wound. Use water or saline solution; a little soap is good, too. If you can't get the wound clean, then forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Finally, dress the wound. For a laceration, push the edges together and apply a butterfly bandage. For avulsions, where the skin is punctured and pulled back like a trapdoor, push the skin back and use a butterfly. Slather the area in antibacterial ointment. Cover the wound with a gauze pad taped into place. Change that dressing every 12 hours, checking carefully for signs of infection. Better yet, get to a hospital.

35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).

36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Play the smallest and most poorly labeled areas, the bets where it's visually evident the casino doesn't want you to go. Simply play the pass line; once the point is set, play full odds (this is the only really good bet on the table); and when you want a little more action, tell the crew you want to lay the 4 and the 10 for the minimum bet.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards.   I play cards with guys who can't shuffle, and they lose. Always.

38. Tell a joke. Here's one:  Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.  Aces. Eights. Always.




Sertoman Accomplishments Birth/Death
Ed Hull      
Stan Shalla    
David James    
Don Sendgraf    
Dick Manges Past President  
Bill Banks Past President/ Past Governor  
Marvin (Marv) Fries  Charter Member  
Harv Nesbitt    
Jim Nichols Charter Member, Past President, SOY 10/5/29 ~
Gen. Bill Mauer    
Jim Hoeven Charter Member  
Pete Montagriff   9/15/34 - 4/15/ 2005
Jim Waltz   11/2/36 ~ 8/23/2005
Ron Kresl   3/29/32 / ~ 12/18/05
Bob Leinart   4/30/41 ~ 2/16/06
Larry Chaussee   11/4/58 ~ 12/19/06
John McLean   8/23/39 ~ 2/10/08
Chuck Blazek   5/17/39 - 5/22/2007
Denny Farnsworth Past Pres. & SOY 6/23/41 ~ 6/10/09
Russell Butler   1/9/46 ~ 12/11/09
Paul McCoy   5/14/31 ~ 12/11/10
Jerry Bender   2/21/1948 ~ 3/1/2011
Dick Ziporlin   2/8/1931~ 6/4, 2011
Bob Reed Operation Santa Claus 9/5/1932 ~ 10/5/2011
John Drescher Charter Member / Sgt. at Arms/ Ski Trip 8/29/31 ~ 2/12/2012
David Lee Thomas   8/6, 1930 - 1/16, 2013

The Sertoma Board usually meets EVERY SECOND Tuesday  AT NORTH AMERICAN TITLE COMPANY  AT 5:30 p.m.  





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