Coffee, n. The person upon whom one
Esplanade , v. To attempt an
explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle
that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
Testicle , n. A humorous question on an
Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified
bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian
Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is
sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a
Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a
have a Sertoma project for one of our own
coming up on Saturday, June 6th! Brad Burns
has requested help in spreading 20 million pounds
of gorilla bark, or some such stuff, on his
yard. He wants to fool anyone looking into
thinking it's a good yard, apparently.
Anyway, his home is at 1820 Westover. To get
there, go NORTH on Timberline until it dead ends.
Turn left to CO RD 11. Go RIGHT on CO Rd 11
(you'll be going North). Take a left on
Chesapeake to Westover. Turn right on
Westover to 1820. Call him at 481-6220.
Brats and burgers will be served afterwards, as
well as other assorted goodies, I'm sure!
CLICK HERE for a Mapquest map
Josh Benedict bragged that the Heritage Eagles are
Glaser had a brag for Project Smile . . . . there
was a Project Smile breakfast on a Wednesday
morning a while back. He told us that there
were several other Sertomans, and he estimated a
total of 350 people attended.
Borrett had a brag for Fort Collins . . . Forbes
picked Lincoln, Nebraska as the 5th best place to
live. (Fort Collins was 2nd, and Charlotte,
NC, was 1st)
Shannon had a brag for the latest project Mr.
Green had for us . . . there were 21 Sertomans at
the Coachlight Apartments, a Neighbor-to-neighbor
collaboration, cutting and trimming, and generally
cleaning up. By the way, everyone who
worked the project, apparently, received a
hand-written card from the people involved!
Kaup had a brag for Carl Glaser, who filled in for
him in the previous week.
Dunnigan had an "unbrag" . . . . he says that,
through his Relay for Life thoughts, he's created
a "philanthropic organization" called the Two Mile
Club, which is also what he is calling his relay
Check out the website at
told us that the Boys and Girls Club Breakfast a
while back went off without a hitch. Thanks
were given to Ken for getting out banner out
there, and Zach for his service on the Board of
Sign spotted recently at local coffee shop
Mike Tarantino said that if you'd like to help
out with the Golf Tournament this year,
contact him. He can use all the help
they can get.
tells us that Crossroads Safehouse, who we are
partnering with for our golf tournament, is
apparently doing a good job of promoting and
helping is with getting the word out.
CLICK HERE for entry application
Young had a check for $43for the Foundation in
memory of his daughter, who would
have been 43. November marks the third year
that she was lost to domestic violence.
He reminded us that our support is sorely needed.
and safe housing to adults and children affected
by intimate partner abuse.
Rehme had a brag for the Loveland Historical Home
Tour. Seems his home is in it, as well!
Ross had a brag and a bitch about being
overcharged for a sponsor hole at last year's golf
Sample bragged that, thanks to Jim Manning,
he recently had the privilege of attending The
Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta this year.
For those of you who don't know, SO MANY people
want to attend the Masters that there is a drawing
to see who will receive tickets. Jim WON.
Roger had a second brag, as well. After
tax season, he HAD to go to Maui. (are
WE in the wrong business???). They and
another couple go "to play" for eight days.
The story, however, is that he was paired up
with an LA hockey player who plays for the
Kings. With this guy is a 14 year old
kid who is the son of his fiancée.
Do you know who RACHEL HUNTER is?? At
least one of us didn't.
CLICK HERE to see more pictures of Rachel
Hunter, actress, model, mother, designer, and
ambassador to the
organization that helps to prevent animal
protect threatened species, and keep wildlife
in the wild.
Friday, June 12th has been set for the Sertoma
tournament. Mark on your calendars!
K reminded us to vote. (yeah, I'm a
Cheryl Parrish, LCSW, the Vice President of
Programs for the Alzheimer’s Association
Colorado Chapter, had a rather sobering
us a few weeks ago about Alzheimer's Disease.
Did you know that OVER 65,000 (in 2007)
Coloradoans are living with Alzheimers
Or that it is turning out
to be the "Health Care Epidemic
of the 21st
CLICK HERE for 10 warning signs, as well
as more information.
Simecka told us he recently attended Abby's Signature Concert Series,
who gave us TOP BILLING!
recently bragged on, and thanked, Dick
Ziporlin for his efforts on the monthly Beer Bash
Pappy's. It has been discontinued, through
no lack of effort by Dick. There are
trying again at a future date.
Reiter reported (and bragged) that the
construction trades program at Fossil Ridge and
Front Range recently received $2,200 from US to
purchase tools for their graduating trades
mentioned that this year there were also four
women in the program!
Bob Sutter won the
pot, who was not in attendance.
The POT was won by
Ken Borrett, who left early.
Brad Burns recently
won the pot two weeks in a row . . . and HE was
Our Social Chairman, Dick
Ziporlin, is trying to put together another
spaghetti dinner at the Elks before it becomes
defunct. Their liquor license ended on March
31, Mr. Blomberg tells us, but Dick thinks we can
"work around it". yeah, right.
Chili and bingo was suggested. More as it
Ron Young bragged that he
already has two foursomes put together for our
tournament on June 12!
The 8th Annual Realities Ride & Rally is back
this year, this time for TWO days, May 23rd &
24th, Sat & Sun. John K tells us
that last year we made over $2,100 in just ONE
day! I hear the Hooter Girls might be
around again, and on Saturday there is a lot
of entertainment as well as many more vendors.
WE will be selling beverages
on both days to help fund Realities Emergency
If you can help with this, especially in the
evening, contact John K:
Ronny Bush told us a
story about a recent "happening" in his office
that is "memoir-bound". Remember Dan Ricker?
Well, seems he dropped by Ronny's office last
Wednesday and said he was looking for Ronny's son
(who is a pastor) to marry him. Ronny, being
the on the ball guy that he is, said "You
don't need my son . . . I can do it". And he
did! Turns out that (1) if you're 18 and (2)
You have obtained a marriage license, you can even
Solemnizing a Marriage: Couples themselves may solemnize their own
marriage (perform one's own marriage ceremony).
Colorado Revised Statute 14-2-109, a marriage
may be solemnized by a judge of a court; by a
court magistrate; by a retired judge of the court;
by a public official whose powers include
solemnization of marriages; by Indian tribe
officials; by clergy; by the parties to the
marriage. If you wish to solemnize your own
marriage, you will be responsible for acquiring,
completing and returning the license to marry to
county Office of the Clerk and Recorder.
Ronny did the marriage in his office with three
"lay" witnesses. Congratulations, Dan!!
OUR PRESIDENT is rumored
to have been the WINNER of a golf tournament.
This rumor may (or may not) be confirmed
Some of you may (or
may not) have noticed that the newsletters are
getting few and far between. I have been
actively trying to search out either a a new
location for my shop, or a new business to buy,
and it gets harder and harder to find a few hours
to just sit down and do the newsletter, so bear
Tim Miller (R), hands off the SOW trophy to
our new SOW, Brad Burns
speaker on May 8th
John K tells us the
for Children Ride is coming up on May 23 -
24th. Once again we will be selling water
and beer downtown on the square.
CLICK HERE for some recent
quotes provided by Craig Secher
in regard to Realities for Children's Emergency
Fund, which is what this money is being raise for.
Time is running out – don’t
miss this opportunity to earn the 2nd Chance
GEM (Good Enthusiastic Member)
Award. All award requirements must be
June 30, 2009. Download the
award form for more details.
Just a reminder that if you
are receiving two magazines, and only need one
you can opt out of receiving one issue. Please
notify Amy Ellington at email@example.com
in writing the member that should be removed
from the listing.
Be an informed voter! The
candidate responses to the first electoral
question have been posted on the
Sertoma Blog. You can read and post
comments to these responses.
Tom Kula (L), hands off
the Trophy to new SOW, Tim Miller
damn good reasons to play
Moose have sex
Two guys are drinking in a bar.
says: "Did you know that
have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
says his friend, "and I just
The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master
man can be expert in nothing, but he must
be practiced in many things. Skills. You
don't have to master them all at once. You
simply have to collect and develop a
certain number of skills as the years tick
by. People count on you to come through.
That's why you need these, to start.
A Man Should Be Able To:
32. Describe a glass of wine in one
sentence without using the terms
nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or
kick. I once stood in a wine
store in West Hollywood where the
owner described a pinot noir he
favored as "a night walk through a wet
garden." I bought it. I went to my
hotel and drank it by myself, looking
at the flickering city with my feet on
the windowsill. I don't know which was
more right, the wine or the vision
that he placed in my head. Point is,
it was right.
33. Hit a jump shot
in pool. It's not something you
use a lot, but when you hit a jump
shot, it marks you as a player and
briefly impresses women. Make the
angle of your cue steeper, aim for the
bottommost fraction of the ball, and
drive the cue smoothly six inches past
the contact point, making steady,
downward contact with the felt.
34. Dress a wound. First,
stop the bleeding. Apply pressure
using a gauze pad. Stay with the
pressure. If you can't stop the
bleeding, forget the next step, just
get to a hospital. Once the bleeding
stops, clean the wound. Use water or
saline solution; a little soap is
good, too. If you can't get the wound
clean, then forget the next step, just
get to a hospital. Finally, dress the
wound. For a laceration, push the
edges together and apply a butterfly
bandage. For avulsions, where the skin
is punctured and pulled back like a
trapdoor, push the skin back and use a
butterfly. Slather the area in
antibacterial ointment. Cover the
wound with a gauze pad taped into
place. Change that dressing every 12
hours, checking carefully for signs of
infection. Better yet, get to a
35. Jump-start a car
(without any drama). Change a flat
tire (safely). Change the oil
36. Make three different bets at
a craps table. Play the smallest
and most poorly labeled areas, the
bets where it's visually evident the
casino doesn't want you to go. Simply
play the pass line; once the point is
set, play full odds (this is the only
really good bet on the table); and
when you want a little more action,
tell the crew you want to lay the 4
and the 10 for the minimum bet.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
I play cards with guys who can't
shuffle, and they lose. Always.
38. Tell a joke. Here's one:
Two guys are walking down a dark
alley when a mugger approaches them
and demands their money. They both
grudgingly pull out their wallets and
begin taking out their cash. Just
then, one guy turns to the other,
hands him a bill, and says, "Hey,
here's that $20 I owe you."
39. Know when to split his cards
in blackjack. Aces. Eights.
Past President/ Past Governor
Marvin (Marv) Fries
||Charter Member, Past President, SOY
Gen. Bill Mauer
||9/15/34 - 4/15/ 2005
||11/2/36 ~ 8/23/2005
||3/29/32 / ~ 12/18/05
||4/30/41 ~ 2/16/06
||11/4/58 ~ 12/19/06
||8/23/39 ~ 2/10/08
||5/17/39 - 5/22/2007
||Past Pres. & SOY
||6/23/41 ~ 6/10/09
||1/9/46 ~ 12/11/09
||5/14/31 ~ 12/11/10
||2/21/1948 ~ 3/1/2011
||2/8/1931~ 6/4, 2011
||Operation Santa Claus
||9/5/1932 ~ 10/5/2011
||Charter Member / Sgt. at Arms/ Ski Trip
||8/29/31 ~ 2/12/2012
|David Lee Thomas
||8/6, 1930 - 1/16, 2013
The Sertoma Board
AT NORTH AMERICAN
AT 5:30 p.m.