FORT COLLINS SERTOMA CLUB

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Newsletter 265
 


NEWS of little import . . . . .

 

 

 

You know you're in TEXAS when you see . . . . .

 


Things You Should Know:

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can ya' tell WHO might have won the Super Bowl pool? 
Since Ed Stoner had it LOCKED UP until the last few seconds, then LOST!
 Timmy graciously SPLIT his winnings with Ed! 
Since Ed was nowhere to be found, his winnings were
donated to our Sertoma Foundation.  Whatta' guy!!!

 


Happy 72nd Birthday on March 10th,
CHUCK NORRIS!!
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

Our Projects V.P., Gary Ross, reported that he and several others "built a wheelchair ramp", and nobody fell off.  Thanks was given for those who helped.

Pat Reid told us how a flag was recently sold by "somebody", and a flag bracket was managed to be installed for BBVA on College.

 



 

NORM was thanked by all for his FABULOUS Valentine's Day presentation, which included DANCE LESSONS for any who cared to try!  What a guy!!
(not only that, but I won the POT!!!)

If you bring anyone OTHER THAN a potential member, remember to COUGH UP $10 for their lunch!  This stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know!

"A gun is like a parachute. If you need one, and don't have one,
you'll probably never need one again."

Scott Arledge bragged today that just last week he and his wife closed on a house, ably assisted (apparently) by Jim Bernecker.

Borrett thanked Ronny Bush for putting together the brackets for the NCAA games.  AND, he said, if anybody picked Harvard over New Mexico, he would pay them ten bucks, ON THE SPOT!  (There were no takers)

Bill Green told us that two weeks ago TODAY (3/22), he and Pat became grandparents for the first time!  Their granddaughter was born in Amarillo, TX, and named (something) Elizabeth Green.  WOW!

Ken Reiter announced that "a group" went to Denver for dinner with a champion trebuchet heaver, Brian Scarborough.  This guy has a trebuchet made out of "something like 90 garage door springs" that will launch a pumpkin over 2,000 feet!  This makes him an award winner, AND avid punkin' chunker.  Ken, Bernecker (aka "Spaghetti Man"), and Green found out "how much we don't know and how big this event could be". 
CLICK HERE to see a video of Brian's AMAZING chunkin' machine, complete with his new, 540HP compressor.  Brian hopes to be the first to complete the holy grail of chunkin', one mile!!
One of the big challenges, Bill told us, was the venue.  It has to be at least one mile long and 1/2 mile wide, PLUS room for parking.  SO, if anyone has any ideas, talk with Bill (or Ken, or Jim).

Observations from the Chairman of the Bored Board

 . . . standing NEXT TO the cops was the man, shouting "please come out and give yourself up!"
 . . . . the man shouted "THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID"
 . . . . . Underneath, the boat was still strapped securely to the trailer!

WHAT'S that you say?  You don't understand?  Maybe that's 'cause YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!
 . . . . First thing we're gonna' do is fix the brakes on our firetruck!

Nathan Weinland told us how he, arriving early one day, was thumbing through our archived pictures and "stuff", and realized how proud he was to be a member of our club!

Ed Caffrey bragged (with a check!) that he is 84 years old!

Turns out that Stoner is to blame for Ft. Collins still having trains coming through town!!  He paid a fine.

Bernecker has brought a new member aboard, John Minatta.  If you'll look at the picture below, he is the guy with the red cap.  They have known each other for 30 years, 'cause Jim used to work with John's wife, Cindy.  Although John's family had been in Ft. C since 1912, he didn't move here until 1977. He and Cindy have two boys. 

Woody had a check for the Foundation for $100 ~ NOT that he is 100 (yet!), but because it's easier to write a "1" than all the numbers!!  He received a hearty round of applause! Happy 88th!!  Woody also had a compliment for Scott Arledge, for Scott's reminding him that Woody is now a member of the "50s" Club.  He went on to explain that he's been in the club for 50% of his life!!  This SO intrigued Woody that he went on to figure out some others . . . . WHO would you think was included?  Well, here they are:

Members of the 50% Club

29 Members:  Gary Cassell (50% this year), The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly: Dave Williams (62.7%), Ed Stoner (64.7%),  Randy Beaver (61.8%), Larry Abrahamson (50%), Dick Acott (57%), Greg Anderson (56%), Dave Armstrong (56%), Bill Benton (52%), Dave Blomberg (53%), Milo Bohlander (51%), Ken Borrett (61%), Bill Brown (59.5%), Lee Cooper (57.7%), Ronn Frank (60%), Conway Gandy (55.9%), Larry Glass (56%), Bob Hunt (58.9%), Frank Johnson (61%), John Knezovich (61.2%), Don Nelson (55%), Reuel Ralston (58.6%), Roger Sample (58%), Ron Schmidt (57%), Don Shannon (58%), & Brian Soukup (58%), Ron Young (54%).

Woody told us of a "run-in" with General Patton ~ seems Patton told him "soldier, fasten those helmet straps up in back of your head; you look like a goddam cocker spaniel!" 

Ron Young bragged recently that his oldest granddaughter, with straight As throughout school, was accepted into nursing school!

Cliff Bergren (3rd from left in photo below) recently had a $5 brag ('cause he didn't have a single!) that after FOUR attempts (over the last YEAR!!) to put together the weight lifting set at Crossroads, they finally figured it out so that it's "actually working".  WOW!

Randall d. Beaver had a birthday brag, but he didn't have the requisite 68 bucks, so he scrounged around and came up with $62.  Whatta' guy!  AND, he reminded us (AND Stoner) that Stoner's birthday is two weeks after his, and he'll be looking for HIS brag!

Sure enough, Stoner stepped up to the mic and kicked in HIS birthday brag.  I gotta' tell you, these two might as well be named Laurel and Hardy!

 

This motley crew, as well as Don Shannon, sure
improved the quality of life for this kid!  Seems he's
gonna' be in that wheelchair for a long time, and it
was pretty hard to get in the house.  Not any more!
P.S.  See our newest member, John Minatta on the right!??!

Congrats, guys!!  Nice Work!



 


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Don
Don Shannon, tired of EVERYONE ELSE bragging about THEIR grandkids, decided it was time to brag about HIS.  And he did, with a $10 brag, telling us, with SLIDES, how TWO of his daughter's kids, Tyler, 17, Tennis, LaCrosse, Debate, 3.75 gpa, this summer going to Haiti as a Dr.'s assistant.  His younger brother, without a name, apparently, a freshman, has smartened up nicely recently, having scored 100% on his last FOUR math tests!!

 

 

UPCOMING PROGRAMS - from Lee Cord, V.P. Programs
215-9658 or LCord@thegroupinc.com

 

March 29th ~ NO MEETING (that is NEXT WEEK!) ~ Good Friday!

April 5 ~ Meeting at Aztlan, as usual - Looking for a speaker.  Any ideas??  Contact Lee Cord (above) 

April 12th - We'll meet at the Discovery Center for the grand tour, including the movie.  (Bring $8 for each guest, and tell Lee Cord)  We're on our own for lunch. 

April 19th - We have been invited to attend an Operation Smile banquet (instead of lunch at the Aztlan, as usual).  More info as it solidifies.

 

 

        
 April 26 ~ CSU's Jack Graham

 

September 6th - Golf tournament at Highland Meadows (tentative date)


 

 


 



WHO says we don't have fun!??!  A few of the guys modeling hats generously given to us by Pat Wunsch, the Executive Director of
Fort Collins Baseball Club! 
 


We received a "Thank You" from Christy French and Mims Harris for Abby's Christmas Concert.  She told us over $55,000 was distributed to Pathways Hospice and Respite Care this year!



A few Sertomans attended the Boys and Girls Club Breakfast in February
 

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..



WHO SAYS Bernecker isn't a TRUE Sertoman!??!
 

 

 

WISDOM FROM TRAINING MANUALS

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' 
 -Infantry Journal-

'Don't eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
 
-US.Air Force Manual-

'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously
never encountered automatic weapons.' 
 -General Douglas MacArthur-

'You, you, and you...Panic. The rest of you, come with me.' 
 -Infantry Sgt.-

'Tracers work both ways.' 
 -Army Ordnance Manual-

'Five second fuses last about three seconds.'
 -Infantry Journal-

 The three most useless things in aviation are:  Fuel in the bowser; Runway
behind you; and Air above you. 
 -Basic Flight Training Manual-

 'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.' 
 -Naval Ops Manual-

'If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.'  If you stop to
ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'

 -Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-

 
 


 

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00am, on the first hole at Bluff Point Golf and Country Club and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a piercing voice came over the club house loudspeaker,

"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, "Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the Voice yelled,

"Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, please?!?!"

I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back... "Would the asshole with the microphone please keep quiet and let me play my second shot!??!"

 

 


Unlike roger Sample recently, Ed Caffrey WAS here, and won the pot, ON HIS BIRTHDAY, March 8th!
 

Ed also had a brag about how it is "a great pleasure" to be able to walk in to lunch.  HE told us how he was literally unable to walk for FOUR MONTHS, until his wife "found a guy" who could help.  This guy said "you're going to walk in three weeks!"  Sure enough, he did.  Ed now says he's opening a "very special dance studio, with topless girls and bottomless guys".



 

Remember, our Tuesday morning coffee group is currently meeting at Whole Foods, still at 7:30 a.m. ! 

CHRIS MCDONALD!!  YOUR name was pulled (on Feb. 22) to win "the pot", but you weren't there.
 

I

 

 

SOW (Sertoman of the Week)


Larry Glass (L), hands the SOW trophy to Scott Arledge
 

 

President - Pat Reid
President-Elect - Josh Benedict
Chairman of the Board - Rob Allerheiligen
Secretary ~ Jim Norrgard
Flag Czar - Jim Manning
Treasurer - Nathan Weinland
Sgt. at Arms - "Bobbo" Kopplin
V. P. Programs - Lee Cord
V. P. Projects - Gary Ross
V.P. communications ~ Mike Thorsrud
V P Membership - Jim Bernecker
Public Relations - Jim Nutt
Social - Ronny Bush

Sertoma Intn'l. Liaison - Dave Blomberg

 


Past Board Members

Sertoma International

Sertoma Code of Ethics

Our Club Website

Members

Awards (SOY, Golden Movement, Foot in Mouth,
Asleep at the Wheel)
Professions


Sertoma Historical Info

INFO ~ 2012 - 2013

This "mini-newsletter" is not sponsored this week.


Yeah, we still have a few guys show up!
 


"Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience."

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet.
The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It isn't dead, it's just afraid to move.

 

Sertoman Accomplishments Birth/Death
Ed Hull      
Stan Shalla    
David James    
Don Sendgraf    
Dick Manges Past President  
Bill Banks Past President/ Past Governor  
Marvin (Marv) Fries  Charter Member  
Harv Nesbitt    
Jim Nichols Charter Member, Past President, SOY 10/5/29 ~
Gen. Bill Mauer    
Jim Hoeven Charter Member  
Pete Montagriff   9/15/34 - 4/15/ 2005
Jim Waltz   11/2/36 ~ 8/23/2005
Ron Kresl   3/29/32 / ~ 12/18/05
Bob Leinart   4/30/41 ~ 2/16/06
Larry Chaussee   11/4/58 ~ 12/19/06
John McLean   8/23/39 ~ 2/10/08
Chuck Blazek   5/17/39 - 5/22/2007
Denny Farnsworth Past Pres. & SOY 6/23/41 ~ 6/10/09
Russell Butler   1/9/46 ~ 12/11/09
Paul McCoy   5/14/31 ~ 12/11/10
Jerry Bender   2/21/1948 ~ 3/1/2011
Dick Ziporlin   2/8/1931~ 6/4, 2011
Bob Reed Operation Santa Claus 9/5/1932 ~ 10/5/2011
John Drescher Charter Member / Sgt. at Arms/ Ski Trip 8/29/31 ~ 2/12/2012
David Lee Thomas   8/6, 1930 - 1/16, 2013

 

 

 

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